August 31, 2011: You Were Good to Me

I want to remember today, because today things started looking up.

Today brought: warmth and sunshine, Sonic Happy Hour runs and goofy times with friends.

Today I: ran 8 miles (holla!), made a Nutella wrap with diced strawberries inside, didn’t get a parking ticket, and sang How He Loves on a swing with my sweet friend.

Today someone: asked me how I was, to which I said, “Well it wasn’t the first thing I thought about yesterday, but it was today. So there’s that."

Today I am so thankful for: Harding, amazing friends, prayer, long talks, and meaningful hugs.

Today I read this quote:

“Wherever your challenges lead you, there is something to learn there.”

What I’ve learned?

That I am ridiculously blessed beyond anything I can ever deserve. God has truly given me the best family, the best friends, the greatest experiences--just a beautiful, beautiful life.

 

 

I am and like I said, things are looking up.

Daily Inspiration

…around the apartment:

 

 

 

 

I am and I don’t even watch The Office.

Break-up Survival 101

Top 10 things you need to get you through:

1. Sweatpants

Or Nike shorts. Just something comfortable. I opted for my purple skinny-leg sweats, but it varies from break-up to break-up.

2. A playlist

If you’re anything like me, during the Sad stage you’ll want to break out the ultra-depressing music. I’ve got Warning Sign, We Never Change, and A Message by Coldplay on a continuous loop. And To Build a Home for good measure. But mostly Warning Sign. Listen, you’ll understand.

For the Angry stage, it’s all about Best Thing You Never Had and angry rap music.

3. Friends

You need friends that will drop their weekend plans to join you on the couch to cry. Thankfully, I live with three of those. And I have my four best friends from home who offered to drop everything and drive to my college with Ben and Jerry. Yes, these are the people you need. (Sorry, my friends are taken.)

4. Food

Food, food and more food, but just for the Shock stage. My Shock stage included Domino’s pizza and homemade oreo’s in mass quantities. As for the Sad stage, you won’t be able to stomach food so don’t even try. It’s a waste of money. (There’s $5 of DCB I’ll never see again.)

5. Cry

Don’t try to be strong. Let it out, honey. I only cried once on the day of. Saturday…well, I didn’t sleep at all that night and then I sobbed for the rest of the day. It’s therapeutic, even if it sucks.

6. Activities

This is probably the most crucial part: stay busy. DO NOT lay in the bed all day and think about it. I baked cookies and then my friends took me to the lake where we cliff-jumped, swam and tanned.

 

7. Exercise

Exercise is great for 2 stages: Shock and Anger. During Shock, running can help you process the information. During Anger, running can keep you from killing someone.Plus it burns off that pizza and oreo’s.

8. Drive

Going for a drive is the best way to cover a lot of bases: girl, listen to the Playlist, eat some oreo’s, and cry at the same time. In your sweatpants. Quadfecta. (I just made that word up.)

9. Clean

It’s sort of symbolic if you think about it—clean everything around you. Vacuum, wash dishes, scrub the shower, wash the laundry. Get everything gross out of the way (symbolically: sad/pathetic feelings) and put everything where it belongs (symbolically: good feelings/life back in order).

10. God

This is most important. If anyone can take your pain away, it’s your Father. He cares about your problems, even if a break-up seems trivial to third-world hunger and Hurricane Irene. His affections are great for you, and that is the most amazing thing.

 

 

 

I am and I’m on the prowl.

Words I Couldn’t Say

This is long. This is a lot of word vomit. This is how I feel right now. I didn’t edit anything out or re-read it. Sometimes I hate that my blog is so public to people that I know in real life because pushing Publish on this post would be a lot easier if it wasn’t. But I process things through writing…that’s just how I do. In the end, I’m always going to be as candid as possible here.

Throughout our entire relationship I had a hard time being open.

Maybe it’s because I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I had been told you were out of my league for so long that I let those words seep into the deepest part of me.

I couldn’t give everything to you because I knew deep down that things couldn’t last. Not with me putting you so far above me.

I tried, I really did.

One day I knew I was beginning to trust you more when something exciting happened and my first thought was, “I can’t wait to tell him about this.”

As soon as those feelings came though, you started to check out.

You were always busy and you never wanted to hang out, and I knew that what I had always expected to happen was happening.

That’s why I took it so well today. I expected it, it was no surprise to me.

One of the only things that makes me mad about everything is that for you, this was just a relationship that lasted a little over a month and you don’t have that much to get over.

You started to like me over the summer, pursued that, we dated, and as quickly as all of that happened you were done.

Which is fine. If you want out, if it just wasn’t there for you, that’s ok, and you don’t need to feel bad about that.

But I liked you for two years. Two years. And I never pursued a relationship with you. I had decided being your friend was better than risking telling you my feelings and ruining the friendship we had.

You liked me for two minutes and told me, and I told you how I had always felt. That’s when you should have realized that dating you wasn’t a small thing to me. It was a big, big deal.

And you went for it.

As for everything else, I’m not mad at you. I still think you are a wonderful, wonderful guy and at this point, I don’t regret dating you.

I don’t know if I’ll post this. You may never even read it, and it’s more for me than anything. I guess in the end, I just want you to know that I did care. Do care.

I tried to hide that because I wanted to be the one that handled it well. But I don’t want you to translate that into me not caring, because I did. Do.

I’m sorry that this was the realest I ever got with you.

Thankful Thursday

 
Today I am oh so thankful for: 

Roommates who pray with me
Discussing our day every night, our “family time”
Baking muffins together at 11 p.m.
My treadmill was open at the gym
Dinner with my dad (mexican, my favorite!)
A Bad Dream
One class today
No parking tickets
These suckers (fall is near!)
Sunshine

And in the midst of a few health problems concerning my mother, I have to say that I am thankful for a God who is the ultimate healer, who holds each of us in his hands, and who loves us so much.

Man I Love College

Thursday was a good day, because Thursday I moved back to school!

Since then, I have been doing normal college things, like unpacking, decorating, going to sketchy tattoo shops for belly button piercings (not my own, what do you take me for?), and celebrating birthdays! (Also not my own.)

    

It is so wonderful to be back!

 

 

I am and I’m actually excited for class to start tomorrow. Weirdly.

When In Nebraska…part 2

 
I don’t know about you, but I like to do what the tourists do.

What do tourists to Omaha, Nebraska do?

Hit up the college world series spots, hang out at their famous zoo, and (for us) soak up some pioneer history.

And let me say, the zoo was as rewarding as heaping spoonfuls of chocolate ice-cream on a hot day.

The team that put the extra-thick glass in the gorilla house are on the top of my Christmas card list, because when that gorilla attacked the glass with his fist, I was more terrified than the 3-year old in front of me.

Also, if the Omaha zoo staff start looking for the person that threw the quarter into the crocodile swamp, you never read this.

(That could be a confession, could not be. I’m mysterious like that. But if a croc did die from quarter consumption, I send my condolences. Florida has more to offer, though.)

Which wraps up my Nebraska trip.

 

I amand thank you Huskers state! I had a grand time in your rolling-hills-of-corn-state.

When In Nebraska…part 1

Well, I was in Mormon heaven.

Tuesday Porky took me where I requested (after she suggested it): The Mormon Trail museum and the Winter Quarters temple.

We learned more about the trials of the pioneers traveling to Salt Lake City and even attempted to pull a hand cart similar to the ones the pioneers used.

 

It’s neat to learn about other faiths.

   

After, we went to the zoo, which really deserves it’s own post. More on that later!

 

 

I am and I wore a strapless dress to a Mormon museum. I wasn’t thinking. Can you forgive?

Cornhusker State. Whatever That Means..

Traveling wears me out, let me tell you. Today I flew to Omaha, Nebraska to be reunited with my roommate, Porky. (Porkster, Porker, Porks, bacon, sausage)

The day started at Denny’s where I ate a meal I wish I hadn’t. Then we got lost in the numbered streets of North Little Rock and I was freaking out because I was afraid I was going to miss my flight.

Eventually we found the blessed airport, I barely made it through security (last time I travel with that Korean leather backpack) and soon I was nestled between two hilarious women on my flight to Chicago.

Then it was a layover and another flight before I was safe in Omaha, exploring the sights, eating authentic mexican food, and walking the dogs down the streets of Porky’s quaint neighborhood.

On the agenda for tomorrow:

Omaha zoo
Mormon temple and trail

Did you hear that? MORMON DAY!

All this excitement has worn me out.

Goodnight, from Omaha!

I am and we have fanny packs, oh yes we do.