I have been generally happy in my singleness. In ways it's good. I don't have to worry about anniversaries, presents, "checking in" with someone, and all of those things that come with being a girlfriend.But in ways it's bad.
I don't get to have anniversaries. I don't get to buy expensive cologne for my boyfriend. I don't get to worry about a jealous boyfriend.
In high school it wasn't something I worried about. I didn't mind not having a boyfriend (in high school they are all immature anyways) But here at Harding, its hard to not worry about it. Maybe it's because it's a Christian university. It seems like everyone around me is in a serious relationship or engaged. I've been to 4 ring ceremonies for girls in my club, and another friend of mine is engaged as well. We have white swings all over campus with legends of "three swings & a ring." And no lie, the on-campus post office stamps have wedding rings on them.
I know I'm relatively young and marriage shouldn't be on my mind. I'm in college--I should be enjoying all of this time I have for myself! The thing is, though, is that I don't need time to myself anymore. My first year of college is almost over and I have myself figured out. I know who I am, I know what I want in life, and I know that I can take care of myself.
Are my standards too high? I don't think I'm asking for much. An amazing Christian guy--perhaps majoring as preacher or youth minister--who will love God more than he will love me, who wants a large family (because we all know I want like 7 kids!), and who can deal with my baking habits/random art moods/intense obsession with blogging. And someone who will watch One Tree Hill with me. Oh yeah, and someone who wouldn't mind living in different states, because there are like 10 places I want to live!
Again, I know I probably shouldn't be worrying about this. I can't help it, though. I've never even been on a date before, much less held hands with a guy, and my first kiss experience was stupid and something I only did for the "experience." Which sucked.
Alright, pity party is over. I just needed to get that off of my chest before I broke down in tears to my roommate, Ali. Even though she would be so supportive. I love her. I'm giving it all to God and trusting that when the time is right I will find what I've been searching for. And if it comes down to me being a single missionary in Africa when I'm 30, that's where I will go and what I will do. Sometimes its hard to accept that the plans I have for my life may not be the ones God has.
I'll let you know how it unfolds.
I believe God will give you what you're searching for, Autumn. I've 19 and have always been single, but I know that in His perfect timing He will give me what I desire. I don't think your standards are high; they may seem so in comparison to your peers, but I think most girls' standards are too low. I pray His strength will be with you as you're in this part of your journey!
ReplyDeleteAutumn, it is SO Refreshing to hear that a young woman your age HAS these standards! I admire you for standing your ground and not backing down from them....and I pray that God will give you the conviction to continue to do so. God made you so special and if He wills it, then He will bring you that perfect guy...(maybe not one who will actually watch OTH...Haha)in His own time. You stick with your standards and never back down from them! You know, Kory is a Bible major, and I'm sure he could introduce you to some fellow Bible majors! (; God has you exactly where He wants you right now, and I will be praying for you to rely on His wisdom to lead you in the direction He wants you to go.
ReplyDelete<3 Love to you!
Autumn, your comments on some of my post have been truly encouraging and a delight to read. With that being said I have the same feelings at times. And no your standards are not to high! I have seen girls lower their standards and get hurt. They deserve so much better and I am sure you do to! Keep holding on and stay strong and God will bring the right guy to you.
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