Love Came Down

The weather forecast predicted rain.

A 90% chance that cold condensation was going to pour from blustery dark clouds, and pour it did, with no reprieve or mercy.

It pooled on the sidewalks and soaked through backpacks.

This day--this cold, wet, gray fall day, which seemed to offer zero possibilities and a large dose of laziness, couldn’t have come at a more perfect time.

I’m in a funk.

Maybe it’s lack of sleep?

Maybe it’s all of the projects and tests that are looming over my head, all due in the next few weeks?

Maybe it’s the stress of trying to save money for a five-month adventure to Europe?

Or maybe it’s that sometimes I never seem to let my soul rest. I refuse to give my problems to God, and as I watched it rain from my second story window this afternoon, I realized why: I don’t trust Him.

I don’t trust that He has forgiven those fairly recent past sins that I cannot forgive myself for.

I don’t trust that when I pray to Him for rest, or to take my worry away, that He physically LIFTS them off of me.

And when I realized my mistrust, I turned to my prayer journal. Here, I thought, is written proof that God delivers.

I flipped through past entries:

9/29/11

“…take these burdens that hold me captive—these thoughts about self-worth and relationships—and free my spirit.”

There it was, burdens that I had prayed about almost two months ago, taken. The last time I worried about my self-worth, about being fat or losing weight? I couldn’t tell you.

Worrying about relationships, or thinking about them in general? It hasn’t been important. I have been given greater opportunities to look forward to. (Hello HUG)

Then I turned to a scripture I had written down—Lamentations 3:19-26.

¹⁹ I remember my affliction and my wandering,
   the bitterness and the gall.
²⁰ I well remember them,
   and my soul is downcast within me.
²¹ Yet this I call to mind
   and therefore I have hope:

²² Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.
²⁴ I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
   therefore I will wait for him.”

²⁵ The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
   to the one who seeks him;
²⁶ it is good to wait quietly
   for the salvation of the LORD.

I was definitely wrong about today. It did hold possibilities, because today, I finally began to forgive myself. Today I re-discovered a God who has never left me, who will never leave me, and who certainly answers prayer.

So I say, let it rain.

 

 

I amand I am feeling better.