Grief is a freight train.
It rolls in fast and unannounced. It’s loud. It wreaks havoc.
Early Saturday morning my best friend called me,
“My parents were in an accident. Mom didn’t make it, dads on a ventilator. How far are you from Jackson?”
I remember seeing a light on the way to Jackson.
It was dark, barely 2 a.m.
There wasn’t any traffic or even any stars, I noticed.
But with tearful eyes I stared ahead at the light, a beacon in a dark, dark world.
I reached the hospital as other family members began to trickle in.
Katie hadn’t arrived but her brother Cody had. He was talking with a doctor.
I stood in the dim hallway and leaned against the wall.
All I could hear were the sobs of family members, the dull hum of ventilators in the ICU, and the beating of my own heart.
What do you say to your best friend when she is making decisions about the life support her father is on?
What do you say to your best friend when, only hours after he was brought to the hospital, she decides to turn off the machines and let him slip away?
What do you say to your best friend when she has suddenly, and awfully, and unfairly lost both of her parents?
“I don’t know what to say,” I confessed as we embraced in the hospital.
“I don’t either.”
“Who is going to walk me down the aisle?” she cried to me in the waiting room.
“Or when I have babies. They are going to miss so much.”
I wish I was better at speaking.
Sometimes I think I’m a writer because I don’t know how to say how I feel out loud.
“I know,” I said to her.
It didn’t seem like a good answer. They are going to miss so much, the rest of her beautiful life. Her wedding day. The day she has her first baby. Her 23rd birthday.
“Why did this happen?” she asked me.
“I don’t know.”
I don’t know. I don’t know why two beautiful people died the way that they did.
I don’t know why their amazing children, only 24, 22, and 20 years old are now facing a life without them.
A life of births, weddings, graduations, and Christmas mornings, days that I know will be the hardest, days where the pain will take their breath away.
I believe in God.
I believe He makes all things work together for our good.
I believe and know that He is close to the brokenhearted, that perhaps we’re never nearest to Him than when we’re so completely broken.
Life changes in an instant.
Autumn, my heart is breaking for you and your friends. may the God of all comfort keep you close.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your friend
ReplyDeleteHi friend. I hopped over to your blog somewhere and wanted to say I was in a very similar situation when my BFF's dad committed suicide out of nowhere. I, too, couldn't answer her questions and jumped on a flight to be with her that evening. I'll be thinking and praying for your friend and hope everything for her dad turns out ok. So, so, so sorry for her loss.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to read about your friend's parents... I'm sending you and your friend positive thoughts.
ReplyDeleteRegards from Barcelona.
And I understand your feeling of not knowing what to say to your friend in such difficult moment. Actually, I think no one knows what to say... But on the other hand, your writing is so beautiful, and I think not everybody can do that (at least not me).
ReplyDeleteI've been reading you for a while and I really think your writing is beautiful, inspiring and I enjoy it.
hi there, i just found your blog and am so speechless. what a heartbreaking tragedy this is. my mother is my best friend, and the thought of not having her around anymore brings tears to my eyes, much likes this post did. my heart aches for your friend. i'm so sorry that such a thing has happened. i will surely be praying for you and your friend and her family.
ReplyDeleteAutumn, you are such a good friend! She is blessed to have you. I have been thinking about her a lot this week and praying.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your best friend's loss! Praying for you & her & their entire family! *hugs*
ReplyDelete