Symbolism

 

“Tell me if this is weird,” I said to Milks one warm afternoon as we talked on the front lawn.

She’s my kindred spirit, after all. Whom else could I trust for an honest answer?

“Shoot.”

I rolled my body over the soft fleece material of the blanket we were lounging on and stared up at the sky.

“Do you feel like you’re a deep thinker? Like, more so than other people?”

“Sometimes, why?”

“I don’t know. I feel like I think about things too much. I’m always trying to figure myself out.”

She nodded and said, “I do that too.”

“But really, I am always having like, personal revelations. And thinking.”

“Revelations about what?”

Then I gave it to her, the thoughts that have been formulating in my brain. Me, really, and the things I seem to constantly be learning about myself.

How this year I am feeling more confident and more comfortable with who I am as a person, and why I believe that is. Spiritual things about what I believe God wants for my life, and the path I see Him leading me down. Future things, like what to do with my summer. Internships, counseling, Africa, missions?

That’s the wonderful thing about my Milks. She listens, she hears, she advises, and when it’s all over, when the seriousness of conversation is weighing heavy, she begs for my famous Fake Laugh. Which she receives, because hello, did you read the topics I bogged her down with?

It’s give and take, though, because then I listened to her deep thoughts. (And tweeted, because my multitasking skills are out of this earthly realm.)

In the end, she never gave me a yes or no answer.

She simply helped me fold the blanket and zip it away in her backpack.

 

 

I am and did I use 'whom’ correctly? I haven’t a clue.

 

p.s. Have you met Milks? We’re silly. Introducing:

Joyful Joyful

 

Fall semester started out rough in Searcy 205, with two of us post-break up and one in a long distance relationship.

It’s been a keep-chocolate-around, eat-ice-cream-out-of-the-carton kind of month so far, with a lot of heart-to-heart’s and tears.

Tonight Milks came into my room and curled up in my plush purple chair.

We listened to Coldplay in silence before I asked, “What’s on your heart, Milks?”

She told me how sad she was over her ended relationship, she told me that it all felt fake, she told me that days before it ended, she had given it up to God and truly believed that He led her to this outcome, to this ending.

Then she said something very profound: “I’m not happy, but I am joyful.”

I pondered that for awhile.

I washed my face and as I scrubbed, I thought about it.

While I brushed my teeth, the idea swished around in my mouth.

I let it marinate in my heart.

Not happy, but joyful.

These past few weeks I have been so focused on getting back to my true ENFP self. My roommate has said to me, “I don’t like it when you’re like this. You’re the happiest person I know, and I don’t know what to do when your sad.”

So I forced it while I continued with my life. I went out and ate gelato, I danced in the car, I played softball, accomplished a 9-mile run, but the sadness never left. It was always in the back of my mind, and I was always trying to force it out.

Be happy, Autumn. You need to get over this and be happy.

Now I’m wondering why that was ever my mentality.

I have a right to be sad. It hurts, and most of the time (if we’re being honest), I’m not happy because it’s constantly on my mind.

That’s okay though, because I am joyful.

I am encouraged by the sunshine, I am blessed by my friends, I am enlightened through God’s word, I am thriving in new experiences that have presented themselves, and my heart is joyful.

As for the happiness, that will come.

And until then, I’ve got the joy.

 

 

He Is Jealous For Me

 

I always seem to have deep spiritual experiences in cars.

It started late in the spring semester of last year.

My friend Katie (commonly known as Milks) would open her car for us. We would lay the front seats down, prop our feet on the dash and turn up How He Loves.

Sometimes we would close our eyes and sing along. Sometimes we would pray, and sometimes we would try to wrap our minds around how incredibly amazing God is, and how much He loves us. Other times, we would sit in silence.

Those were the times I felt His presence most. A time when my heart was so connected to a friend, and to God, that I could have died in that car a very happy girl.

We’ve been separated this summer and I’ve been forced into having those experiences alone. Tonight as I was driving and listening to Our God, I had the overwhelming urge to lift my hands in the air, to close my eyes, and to scream how GREAT our God is, how strong He is, how much higher He is than any other.

He is healer, He is awesome in power, and He is our God. 

 

 

I am and if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?

wrapping things up

The last Saturday at school meant sleeping until 11. Then it was a lunch date to Moe’s with my Milks. We hit up the salsa bar, drank vanilla Coke Zero (and water), chowed on southwest burritos and quesadillas, all while talking about Christmas vacation, spiritual matters, HUG, engagements, and whatever else our girlish minds thought up.

Now I should be studying for finals, but I’m much more content to lay on the couch and watch Christmas movies. Maybe I’ll bake some cookies?

It really is the most wonderful time of the year.

 

 

I amand happy holiday’s everyone. Go eat some Moe’s!

Scottish Autumn, age 5

Today I sent this gem to my friends via text.

Here lies their responses:

Oh, and I blocked out previous texting conversation.

Because, well, you really didn’t need to read it.

Lest you judge me.

 

 Here lies this post.

They Are Sunshine To The World

You totes should have been with me on this youth group trip to Huntsville, Alabama.

See these kids? Coolest in America, with brilliant personalities, hilarious conversations, love for God, and Bieber Fever.

On Thursday we participated in a ropes course. These kids were fearless! They climbed the tallest obstacles and JUMPED off of them (harnessed of course). I stood at the top of the same pole for 15 minutes screaming “Why did I do this?!”

Some chaperone.

The course was intense and I tried A LOT of new things, like rock climbing and zip-lining back down to the ground.

Friday we took the group to the Space and Rocket Center. It was really cool.

We rode the Space Shot about nine million times and then I sat down with a few girls on the floor of the Dinosaur Exhibit where they grilled me with questions like, “Who do you like?!”

I probably shouldn’t have told them, but in the spirit of trusting them (we did trust falls) I cracked.

Hopefully that poor guy doesn’t find out.

I stayed with three girls at Joshua’s (full name, does that mean we’re best friends now?) grandparents house and they were bombspice.

Seriously, Mama Martin cooked us bacon every morning. Boss.

Other fun memories:

DJ Autumn
”cool mom”
winning Mafia
Rolo McFlurrie’s with Milks!
Mrs. Corder
Playing sardines in the dark church
”Hotumn”
The Situation Game
Grace’s “situations”

I loved every minute of the trip.

I am and don’t forget to enter the giveaway! It ends Friday.