Definitive Moments

I was a senior in high school when it happened. I went to sleep with severe abdominal pain. I woke up with severe abdominal pain. It was blinding and nauseating.

My mom quickly took me to the emergency room where I was scanned, x-rayed, poked and prodded. Doctors and nurses pressed on my belly, asked me my symptoms, checked things off of their list.

Kidney stones? No. Appendicitis? No.

Alas, CT scan results were back and my doctor entered my room. Her face was solemn and I knew that things couldn’t be good. She threw out a lot of words- radiologists, oncologists, ovaries, tumors, malignant.

Cancer, Cancer, Cancer.

I could hear my heartbeat in my ears; I could see my vision blur. I couldn’t feel though. It’s an odd experience when someone tells you that you have cancer. Your body goes numb and your mind starts trying to grasp what cancer means.

My 18-year old mind couldn’t get past the thought that prom was in a month, much less process that the radiologist was sure that I had malignant tumors on my ovaries.

Going home was a blur of pain medication and talks of treatment. I went straight to my bed and within an hour my entire extended family was beside me. My brother and sister even drove home from college. I was beginning to realize what a big deal this was.

Over the following days, my parents talked with specialists about saving my ovaries, saving my life, and where the best place to go was. We decided on UAMS and within a week I had an appointment with a top-of-the-line oncologist.

I went to surgery with a heavy heart. I needed babies in my future and surgery held the potential to end that dream forever. Plus, what if the cancer had spread? What if they couldn’t get it all? There were so many questions. I remember saying a prayer to God before I was anesthetized, begging and pleading to spare my ovaries and rid me of cancer.

My next memory was waking up in the post-OP room with my mom standing beside me. “Autumn, they were benign!” My first thought was, I’m dead. My second thought was, she’s crazy. But sure enough, the tumors “weren’t malignant after all.” I didn’t have cancer. Oh, the relief!

The whole experience was dramatic. The days were hard and there were a lot of tears. I wouldn’t trade the experience, though. Throughout everything, I have never felt God’s presence more in my life.

I woke up thinking of what a consuming fire God is and went to sleep with assurance that He was holding me in his hands. The Christian community reached out to me in prayer, visits, food, flowers and cards, and I was so thankful for everything.

Before it happened, Harding was so far off of my radar. I was already accepted at another university, had a roommate and a housing assignment. God had a plan, though, and opened the door to Harding.

I know that God had a divine purpose in everything that I went through. He brought me closer to Him and opened doors to opportunities I am still seeing the fruits of.

"God is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine."
-Ephesians 3:20