16 and Pregnant: My Guilty Pleasure

My family released a long held breath when I made it through my teenage years without having a baby.

(It must be said: It was never a possibility.)

I have always had an intense love for babies. I’m sure I even loved myself to pieces in 1990 when I made my grand entrance.

I blame this baby fever on the Lifetime movie 15 and Pregnant. It was my favorite movie growing up. Then this, this, this, this, and this happened and forget about it. I was too far gone.

Of all of the teenage pregnancy movies and TV shows I have watched, few have touched me as much as Ashley Salazar’s episode of “16 and Pregnant” on MTV.

In the episode, Ashley makes the heart wrenching decision to give her precious baby, Callie, up for adoption.

It’s difficult to watch her go back and forth on her decision, to see her sign the papers, and to see her suffer as she realizes that the choice she made was a mistake.

On her blog she is very candid and real, and it’s very sad. Here are a few excerpts.

“I’ve been thinking about it, and I am going to be completely honest.  I might have said this before, but sometimes I feel like I made the TOTALLY wrong decision.  I feel so angry and horrible and depressed and I cry all the time.  Sometimes I just want to sleep all day and night and never get up.  It’s like my world has been torn in two and I have to stop living.”

“I love her.  I want her.  I would do anything in the world for her.  I don’t know what is right and wrong right now.  I don’t know if it was the right decision.  I don’t know.  I don’t know.  I miss her.”

”I don’t know if I have said this before, but I hate going downstairs at night in the kitchen because it reminds me of how i’d be up multiple times making bottles. I hate running hot water because the sounds and everything remind me of her and doing things for her down there. It’s so weird. I think of it every single time. All I have left of her here is this Chuck Taylor shoe box with her hospital hats in it, her footprints, and I sleep with her blanket every night. It even makes me not want any more kids because I feel it wouldn’t be fair to her. Like, I want her to by my one and only forever, because I didn’t even ever want kids until the love for her opened my eyes.”

This episode has been fresh on my heart for a few days now which is why I am sharing. And because it’s my blog and I can write about whatever I want.

(Wink wink)

Now go watch the episode and let me know if it ripped your heart out.

GO! (Warning: I get demanding when I’m passionate. And when I’m hungry, but that really deserves it’s own post.)

(Pictures belong to MTV/Ashley Salazar, just in case they ever try to sue me. But we’ll cross that road when exec’s from MTV and Ashley Salazar find my blog.)