16 and Pregnant: My Guilty Pleasure

My family released a long held breath when I made it through my teenage years without having a baby.

(It must be said: It was never a possibility.)

I have always had an intense love for babies. I’m sure I even loved myself to pieces in 1990 when I made my grand entrance.

I blame this baby fever on the Lifetime movie 15 and Pregnant. It was my favorite movie growing up. Then this, this, this, this, and this happened and forget about it. I was too far gone.

Of all of the teenage pregnancy movies and TV shows I have watched, few have touched me as much as Ashley Salazar’s episode of “16 and Pregnant” on MTV.

In the episode, Ashley makes the heart wrenching decision to give her precious baby, Callie, up for adoption.

It’s difficult to watch her go back and forth on her decision, to see her sign the papers, and to see her suffer as she realizes that the choice she made was a mistake.

On her blog she is very candid and real, and it’s very sad. Here are a few excerpts.

“I’ve been thinking about it, and I am going to be completely honest.  I might have said this before, but sometimes I feel like I made the TOTALLY wrong decision.  I feel so angry and horrible and depressed and I cry all the time.  Sometimes I just want to sleep all day and night and never get up.  It’s like my world has been torn in two and I have to stop living.”

“I love her.  I want her.  I would do anything in the world for her.  I don’t know what is right and wrong right now.  I don’t know if it was the right decision.  I don’t know.  I don’t know.  I miss her.”

”I don’t know if I have said this before, but I hate going downstairs at night in the kitchen because it reminds me of how i’d be up multiple times making bottles. I hate running hot water because the sounds and everything remind me of her and doing things for her down there. It’s so weird. I think of it every single time. All I have left of her here is this Chuck Taylor shoe box with her hospital hats in it, her footprints, and I sleep with her blanket every night. It even makes me not want any more kids because I feel it wouldn’t be fair to her. Like, I want her to by my one and only forever, because I didn’t even ever want kids until the love for her opened my eyes.”

This episode has been fresh on my heart for a few days now which is why I am sharing. And because it’s my blog and I can write about whatever I want.

(Wink wink)

Now go watch the episode and let me know if it ripped your heart out.

GO! (Warning: I get demanding when I’m passionate. And when I’m hungry, but that really deserves it’s own post.)

(Pictures belong to MTV/Ashley Salazar, just in case they ever try to sue me. But we’ll cross that road when exec’s from MTV and Ashley Salazar find my blog.)

Misc. Monday

1. Mark 16:15

Every year during spring break, Harding gives students the opportunity to serve Jesus by planning week-long mission trips. The locations range from Alaska to Nicaragua and activities include working in homeless shelters, starting food banks, and going door-to-door to tell people about Jesus. It's not a question of if I should go- Jesus calls us to serve in Mark 16:15 when "He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation." It's a question and prayer of where I should go. I am leaning towards Vancouver, Canada where we would be volunteering at a homeless shelter/food drive and door-to-door evangelizing.

Plus, isn't it gorgeous?

2. Productivity

My day goes so much better when I have been productive. Today I have done laundry, washed dishes, completed homework and of course, went to class. I feel accomplised.

3. Football

I signed up to play flag football with my social club/sorority, Iota Chi. We have our first practice tonight and our first game tomorrow. I am a little nervous- some super competitive girls are probably going to get mad at me when I duck from the ball. I'm just trying to be a good club member by playing! Maybe no one will notice I'm terrible at football if I just run around. Right?

4. Addict

I don't need to get addicted to any more television shows. I feel like I already have so many that I love to watch. Alas, I added Pretty Little Liars to the list. Do you watch it?

Happy Monday folks!

Glass Half Full. Glass Half Empty.

I feel like complaining.

It could be the multiple medications I am currently on talking, or it could be the late hour. Or both. Bear with me, folks.

1. On top of previously blogged health issues, I am now experiencing the side effects of my new monthly hormone. "Tired and feeling unwell." It really says that, and that's really how I feel.

2. I ran out of Grey's Anatomy DVD's and it's too late to go to Hasting's. Probably shouldn't do that while medicated anyways.

3. I still need to pack for school but I feel too sick to move. I move back in Tuesday, so this is not looking good.

4. I can't run because I am too sick to move (see above). I want to run, though. I am picturing myself on my new morning route right now and I can hear my running shoes calling my name.

I can be happy too, though.

1. I have Dr. Pepper. It's a little flat but this is my "glass half-full" part of the post so we won't focus on my DP's lack of carbonation.

2. I am listening to this dreamy song and it's dreamy.

3. My dad is taking me to look at cars and cameras. Me plus car plus camera equals trifecta.

4. I figure I will be in school for 4 more years, which means 4 years until I can move to Utah. I actually might need to move this up to the "glass half-empty" part of the post...

In conclusion, I feel complainy and have complained. I also feel cool because I made up a word: complainy. Beat that, Webster.

Opening the scrapbook...One Tree Hill

I am opening another page of my online scrapbook.

****

I am obsessed with One Tree Hill.

I have been watching it for years and have all the seasons on DVD.

And I don't want to brag or anything, but I really am the #1 fan.

I came to this conclusion because I traveled all the way to Wilmington, North Carolina (where they film this amazing show) last summer. To be thorough, I looked up the addresses for all of the filming locations.

Not stalkerish. Thorough.

(If you don't watch the show, this post will be absolutely useless to you.)

On to the tour!

Lucas and Karen's house, with Lucas's famous bedroom door on the side.

The Scott residence. I was hiding in the bushes for this shot, although I'm sure the family that lives there are used to people photographing their house.

Brooke's beautiful house!
"I really liked being the girl behind the red door."

Peyton's house.

I kept trying to picture Brooke and Peyton's cat fight on the front lawn. Looks small compared to how it did on tv.

What used to be Karen's Cafe but is now Clothes over Bros. This was in the middle of downtown Wilmington. I'm sure they love seeing them film all the time. I would!

The rivercourt. This was, by far, my favorite spot to visit. I stepped onto center court and felt so amazing. It was so cool- picturing all of the moments that happened there. So cool.

Tric, Peyton's all-ages night club.

Tree Hill High School, which is actually Cape Fear Community College

The famous bridge

Told you. I am the biggest fan.

****

More scrapbook openings to come...

Woah - Grey's Anatomy

I was going to write about silly little things like my awesome run tonight and the delicious mango-lemon smoothie I made for breakfast.


However, this happened:

Commence discussion about the craziest Grey's episode ever.