Hungry For Healing: {part 3}

I believe that God gives us struggles so that when we’ve persevered--when we’ve wandered through the desert and reached Living Water—we can turn it into a ministry. In the early days of June 2011, I was coming out of the desert and began writing a series of posts called ‘Hungry For Healing’ about body image. It was my therapy, but I wasn’t ready for it to be someone else’s. I didn’t have the guts to publish it and honestly, I’m not sure if I have the guts to hit that button now, either.

(part 1) (part 2)

 

"We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil."
--Stasi Eldredge (Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul)

So I had lost the weight, where was this happiness promised?

That was where I was standing in April of 2011--thinner than I had ever been and waiting for what The World had promised me: joy, a boyfriend, the end of my weight-centered thoughts.

It never came, though, and I knew that I had missed it.

I couldn’t get past the heavy thoughts of how heavy I was because my mind was still in my 13-year old body, hearing the horrible nickname of “Tubby” on the school bus and constantly siding with anyone—everyone—but God when it came to my self-worth.

Still deep into the disorder and hating my body, hating that he still didn’t like me and hating that I wasn’t happy with myself, I prayed.

“God, help me find a worth that is far more than this weight.”

It was only a few days later that I was sitting in a coffee shop with a new friend, Claire, who was born with a birthmark on her face.

She knew about the struggle with self-image and was unknowingly becoming the answer to my prayers.

Not only had she struggled with body-image issues, but she is deeply in love with her Savior.

I felt God when I talked to her and I knew it was because the Spirit was working through her to give me the peace that I had so desperately prayed for only days before.

We talked a lot about self-confidence in the birth of our friendship and I saw the difference in Claire and I: she had found her worth in Christ.

I hadn’t. To me, my worth was in a number of other things—the number on the scale and my relationship status—but in Christ? Sadly, not at all.

It became my goal to change that.

If I could just be like Claire, I’d think. There I was again, comparing myself to yet another girl, but there was a difference. I wasn’t envious of her physical attributes, beautiful as she is. I was envious of her relationship with God, and that was new for me.

So it was also in April of 2011 that I began to stumble into finding freedom in Christ, and in part, I owe it Claire.

Love you Claire-bear. So happy to be roommates this fall!

 

*parts 4-5 to follow