Hungry For Healing: {part 4}

I believe that God gives us struggles so that when we’ve persevered--when we’ve wandered through the desert and reached Living Water—we can turn it into a ministry. In the early days of June 2011, I was coming out of the desert and began writing a series of posts called ‘Hungry For Healing’ about body image. It was my therapy, but I wasn’t ready for it to be someone else’s. I didn’t have the guts to publish it and honestly, I’m not sure if I have the guts to hit that button now, either.

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3)

 
“You alone created my inner being. You knitted me together inside my mother. I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this.”
--Psalm 139:13-14

The late spring brought in a fresh beginning—fragrant flowers, warm sunshine and a personal new state of mind.

I was experiencing a wave of spiritual maturity and working, always working, on finding a balance between being weight-obsessed and the simple desire to be healthy. I was training hard for a half-marathon, a goal I had laid out for myself to run before my 21st birthday, November 1st.

The hard training I was doing—late nights on the track and early morning runs—was extremely gratifying. I felt capable, like with each pounding stride I was getting closer and closer to my goals and proving that even if I wasn’t (and would never be) a size 4, I could still clock 8 miles. Easy.

As the summer rolled on and the heat blazed, a new relationship started to take shape and form. It was that guy, the one who (unknowingly) kick-started this journey for me. We dated, and although it didn’t last long, our relationship taught me many things—some bad, mostly good. But the number one thing I walked away from it with was peace.

I had gotten what was, at the time, the most seemingly important thing to me: the boy. And at the time, my mind could have gone one of two ways; he’s breaking up with me because I’m not “well known” in our private university atmosphere/hot/cool and I’m losing everything, or I could look at it as an opportunity seized, but one that wasn’t working out.

I give credit to God that I recognized that we just didn’t work as a couple and it had nothing to do with the superficial things I believed about myself.

He liked me for me until he didn’t anymore, and that was fine.

The seasons began to change again, chilly weather and orange leaves, and with it another new state of mind:

I liked me for me.

 

 

*part 5 to follow, where I wrap this up nicely. You have all been kind. I cannot thank you enough.